from russia with hate

The photo at the begining of this blog is of Richard Fairbrass, singer from Right Said Fred was taken at a gay rights demonstration in Moscow in 2007. Both he and Peter Tatchell, a gay rights activist, were punched by anti-homosexual protestors.Tatchell said: "We were violently assaulted - I was battered in the face and the eye, and knocked to the ground, kicked and beaten...The Moscow police, astonishingly, arrested me and let my attackers walk free".

Thank goodness for the 'Gay Propaganda' law because marches supporting gay rights, the end to hate crime and equality needs to STOP.  i mean think of the children, they're bound to equate a peaceful demonstration with anal sex, poppers and the music of George Michael.  It's true.  If I just mention the word 'gay' to my friend's two year old daughter she immediately regurtutates a song from the musical Rent.  It's disgusting the effect it's having on our children.  Which is why they need to be protected from the likes of Wham, blue eyeshadow and Antony Cotton.  BURN ALL PROPAGANDA.

Though..  weird as it is, a law is being considered in St Petersburg which would prohibit all 'propaganda' (what a nostalgic word that carries no hateful extremist rightwing connotations whatsoever) on lesbianism, bisexualism, sodomy AND pedophilia in front of minors. Failure to abide will result in a fine.  £20 for individuals and upto £1000 for organisations. 

Pedophilia aside for one moment, the word 'sodomy' itself is confusing but seems to act as a punchy euphanism for 'gay men'.  Continuing in this tradition, I'd like to propose that we use unnecessary euphanisms for all clear-cut nouns.  Heterosexuals are now to be referred to as 'missionary', cute, fluffy rabbits as 'nibbley nibbley' and Jeremy Clarkson as  'a vessel of shit misery'.  I think this trend would catch on.  It's again baffling why they have deemed it relevant to throw pedophilia in there alongside legal, consentual same sex relationships. I've yet to see a 'Rights for Pedophiles' banner anywhere or a drag queen that goes by the name of 'Mizz I 'Heavenly' Huntley'. 

Presumably the tag line they have appropriated 'in front of minors' includes all minors; straight ones, gay ones, bisexual ones and transgender, whom if this law is passed will be denied a frame of reference for their sexual orientation, the much needed support that LGBT groups provide as well as the opportunity to express and raise awareness publicly of LGBT issues.The Suicide Resource Centre have estimated that between 30 and 40% of LGB young people have attempted to commit suicide. As a country with a high enough suicide rate; WHY?

Understandably LGBT groups have expressed their outrage online as this would completely ban any public gay rights marches as well as any attempts to spread awareness through pamphlets and campaigns under the sinister guise of 'in front of minors' knowing full well that they're everywhere. No escaping minors.  At the shops.  At a bus stop.  On a Kindle.  Everywhere .  Any semi-logical person can see that this is a really contemptuous effort to obliterate any attempts to reduce xenophobia or hate crime.  Under the beseeching, Maude Flanders-esque notion of 'think of the children!' it is manipulating an already shaky perception of homosexuality into some sort of gay boogey man. 

For those that have fallen into the trap of actually believing it's to 'protect' children.  Expressing opinions or campaigning about the issues relating to sexual orientation is not the same as discussing sex.  At a gay rights march you are unlikely to see someone holding up a colourful diagram illustrating the act of fellatio.  If it were really to protect children from sex then why doesn't this proposed law include heterosexual propaganda?  Presumably because it's deemed a-okay to be straight and somehow damaging to be anything other than that.  By not allowing peaceful marches to take place and not allowing LGBT groups to engage with the community I would argue that it's an open invitation to hate crime. The purpose of an LGBT march is not only to spread awareness but by doing so aims to stamp out hate crime.  How can they possibly do that if it is illegal to talk about it in public. (sorry, in front of children...) LGBT people exist, hate crime exists. Going to the street with a few drag queens in tow and campaigning for an end to hate crime is not over-sexualising children. 

As well as politically shitting on the rights of the Russian LGBT community, this legislation if it were to come into effect goes against the European Convention of Human Rights which Russia signed upto.  Article 10 stipulates that 'Everyone has the right to freedom of expression.  This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers' as well as article 14 prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation.  Surely the most amount of damage would be caused to social attitudes to treat LGBT issues as something that needs to be 'prohibited' and that children need protecting from. This is curtailing a basic human right, a right to free speech.

A close family friend and a man I consider to be like an uncle is gay.  I've known this all my life and an issue wasn't made of it because... there isn't one!  I think people are grossly underestimating 'minors'.  It has been proven that young children adapt quickly and are influenced more by the behaviour of their parents than anything else.  If parents are really that terrified of telling a child that some people are attracted to the same gender than I'd like to suggest that they have the problem, not the child. 

To draw this long blog to an end, whilst there have been constant updates throughout the day the latest seems to be that they are reconsidering.  Despite this positive news, during the first draft it was passed by 27 votes to 1.  I implore you to help the LGBT community of Russia and sign this petition which is still running [ here ] 

 

christmas shopping and jehovah

Whilst 'researching' presents for other people I fell into the pivotal trap that all selfish, dressing-gown wearing people fall into.  I started to become sidetracked with things I found interesting like a Ginger Bread Pirate Ship from Marks and Spencer that your grandad miiiight appreciate because he was in the Navy once.  Or consider purchasing your brother whose musical heroes include Eminem and Plan B the new Florence and the Machine album because once he said that the ginger one from Girls Aloud was fit.   But this is an opportunity because once he has heard the ethereal tones of Ms Welch he will be converted and will thank me one day.

But then, maybe this is why Jehovahs Witnesses don't celebrate Christmas.  They know the score.  You can't change people through an exchange of material gifts even if it is hidden under a veil of Bob the Builder wrapping paper, you can only change people through the confines of door knocking and artificial pleasantries.   I have a fear of all things pleasant and question the validity of the door which only serves to be our own personal Berlin Wall. We shouldn't be knocking on them.  We should be knocking them to the ground and allowing a flow of people into our houses where we can discuss all things revolutionary.  Next on the agenda: Catflaps:  Why are we trying to restrict and confine Nature?

The moral of the story: Don't try and change people the day the messiah was born. That's just wrong. Save that kind of thing for an event that doesn't matter, like someone else's birthday.

And so with that in mind... I've decided a new approach, I've been told this is called being 'thoughtful'.  So, what would my family really want?  Here's some initial ideas..

Perfect Gifts for My Perfect Family


For my mum 'Trish'

This adorable sweatshirt from MoreTVicar.com. With a URL like that, where could you possible go wrong?  As well as being in a colour that complements the bruises left by the needles it is also completely relevant as she is no stranger to heartbreak.   It's just like Romeo and Juliet,  my mother the vulnerable yet pliable balloon and him..covered in pricks.  Really it was his persistant hatred of Mexicans and offensive hair-cut that was the final straw and so if you're reading this, fuck you Richard Hammond.   

For my granny 'Maud'

Religious fanaticism with a Kat Slater Twist.  I think she'd really love this.  It's perfect for the Sunday Service. Modest yet saucy.  Disturbing yet edgy. The women in her congregation are going to be reduced to speaking in tongues after seeing this statement piece. 

For my dad 'Keith'

After his Japanese wife left him last Christmas, he could really do with some good luck.  What better way to show that I care then to give him a Maneki Neko??  As well as being culturally specific to Japan (which I know holds fond memories for him), the bell around the neck will also act as an alert system incase another more handsome, rich, less bald man happens to run off with it.  I've checked and the bell and collar are removable and so can be adjusted and worn by his next bridal victim providing she has a really thin neck. 

So far.. so good...

saturdays are the new sunday

Really they are. 

Today mostly consisted of enquiring at the local leisure centre about yoga classes and being secretly pleased they won't be starting until the New Year, pigging out on pre-made pumpkin soup and sexy tiger bread, drinking a lot of camomile tea, respecting the 'subtlety' in flavour of camomile tea as opposed to the brashness of chai, adding 'dashes' of honey to the camomile tea, respecting it still even though it tastes gloopy, making a conscientious effort to do something productive by putting on one load of laundry, 'forgetting' to hang the laundry out to dry and leaving it to fester in the machine for it's own damn good, having an awkward conversation about my job-hunt with a helpful/nosy neighbour in the co op, staring at the new array of mole-hills in the garden with genuine interest, thinking about embarking on an ecological project in which i entrap a mole using a flower pot and some twiglets, napping with Battlecat on the sofa after reading all of the supplements, shooting snide looks at the ps3 when Josh isn't looking, wondering what the job specification of a space marine would sound like, trying not to throw a box of  Always sanitary towels' at Josh in hormonal outrage and now.. blogging.

I hope everyone is having a lazy Sunterday.  See what I did there? Guffaw. 

This is why I have to entrap a mole.  They just don't look real.

when i'm sad, i sit on the floor and hug my knees

Please answer my questionaire as genuinely as you can.  Some of the questions may bring on lethargy or even make you physically sick.  Please persist as best you can.  It's all in the name of research.

1) Your beloved goldfish named Eric has just passed on to the big aquarium up in the sky.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Head to Pets at Home and get a more original fish. 
b) Pick apart 3 Birds Eye fishfingers and a satsuma in an effort to replicate him.
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

2) A friend that you have been staying with tells you that they want you out because you are a dirty, dirty ho' who eats mayonaise for breakfast.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Tell her that the mayonaise was in fact salad cream and leave quietly.
b) Fake a recurrent Herpes outbreak and hope she takes pity on you. 
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

3) On his deathbed, your great uncle Nigel drops a bombshell by telling you that you are descended from apes.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Nod and smile to appease him but be safe in the knowledge that your blood-line is pure Gryffindor. 
b) Laugh at all of Johnny Vegas' jokes, stamp on any Tetley teabag that you see  and unashamedly attend a Phil Collins concert.   Anything to make them accept you. 
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

The answer was mostly C right? I knew it.  Because for every tear-jerking situation that is what we as humans are programmed to do.  You can't argue with Mother Nature. 

But those are the exact images we are bombarded with.  On my Social Work course we are being continually encouraged to 'enable' and 'empower' the service user, which is why the lecturer felt it completely appropriate to use this image slap bang in a presentation:

I've seen this boring stock image countless times.  Infact, with the power of hindsight and double-checking at my capacity, Google Image the word 'depressed'. Either they all like the smell of their own crotch or this is the exclusive and solitary pose in which people can understand a complex mental illness.  All of which scream 'victim'. 

If I'm having a tough time I don't immediately fall to the floor and regress into an upright foetal position.  No, I do what every mature girl of 24 would do.  I take out my tear- stained copy of Adele's '19' , I then shaking with the velocity of emotion insert the CD into my CD player, I then press play.  Then standing in front of a mirror (so I can see how anguished I look when mascara runs down my face) I warble like a biiiitch. 

doting dads

G-dawg with the T-dawg

My grandad painted the picture below for my aunt's 4th birthday whilst he was away at sea.  She has kept it for 63 years.  This is why kind, sweet gentle (giant) men are for keeps. 

:)

man up and get a cat today

Battlecat says ... 'Man up foo'!!!'

"A recent survey conducted by The Cats Protection League and the Mental Health Foundation found that 87% of people who owned a cat said it had a positive impact on their lives whilst 76% said they could cope much better with their everyday lives thanks to their feline friends."

There.  Proof that everyone should own a cat and by logical connection proves that they are superior to all other type of pet.  Whether it be dog, gerbil, hamster, guinea pig, badger,  rabbit, Ian Hislop's shiny head, parrot, cockatiel, goldfish, the beard of David Baddiel,  iguana, shark, liger, , guinea fowl, giraffe or polar bear.  This is fact and you can't argue with it. 

Those that plead an allergy should man up and take a Piriton. 

Seriously though since getting a kitten.  Nothing beats the way she clumsily falls off of a coffee table and then immediately shoots us a disgruntled look as we laugh at her.  Any other kitty lovers out there?

quite interesting and given the thumbs up by stephen fry

Not really.  But I bet he does. Religiously.  Before supper.

It took me a while to realise that the only videos on youtube didn't just consist of cats chasing their own tail or Hitler bemoaning the death of Michael Jackson.  Thought I'd share three favourites.

This video made me want to grab a camera, head to London and have it out with a member of the Queen's Guards.  Go on, I bet it makes you want to too.  It is an interesting though.  I agree that people should have the right to film or photograph in a public place but then people also have the right to privacy and not to be filmed/photographed.  After a typically surreal experience in Chatham's Pentagon Shopping Centre I can attest that it's quite scary being followed by a pretentious yet sinister stranger armed with a camera. Security finally approached.  Apparently his photography project involved re-enacting a (and I kid you not) *stalker -like* situation.  Wanker art student.  Any other opinions

on this video or creepy 'artistic' tits?

Here's a look at the phenomenon known as The Bystander Effect.  For those who don't know what it is, the video explains it much better than I do.. but it suggests that it would be far more dangerous for you to be genuinely unwell on a busy street than it would if you were in a less busy area because of the unconscious pressure to conform from the strangers around you.  There is one particular moment in the video when a woman clearly concerned about a man in the street only approaches after another man checks out the situation. I think this example in particular is more to do with self-preservation and it being a potentially threatening situation than the invisible wall of pressure being broken.  I know that if I were in that situation than I would have probably shown the same caution.  What does anyone else think?

And finally.  Proving why bullshit is bullshit.  I wish my lecturers were as cool as he is and had a beard.  FYI. I'm a Capricorn and I trust people way too easily as well as wearing my heart on my sleeve. 

two minute silence, beards and the power of costa

After three cups of chai (Dutch courage… or Indian) and since it is November 15^th I don’t think it would be too obscene to post my views of 11/11/11.  My own disclaimer is that this is definitely not meant to insult anyone who took part in the two minute silence, wore a sparkly poppy or to offend anyone’s family who may be serving or who may have served in the military.  I am just questioning the attitudes surrounding the two minute silence and the way in which people are obliged to take part wherever they may be and the way in which some people and tabloids manipulate this tradition to excrete some very ugly views.


And so... the two minute silence.  My argument is that respect is not something that needs to be enforced or controlled within the confines of a mass two minute silence and by 'enforced' I mean no option to 'opt out'.  It's inescapable.. at work, walking down the street, sitting in Costa (more on this later).. and that war is complex and means different things to different people.  Something so fundamentally English and ‘patriotic’ is not engaging people from all walks of life at all.  I realise the significance of the date being Armistice Day but the two minute silence is to remember not just the casualties of the First and Second World Wars but the casualties of any conflict across the world. Whilst at first this may seem inclusive and the 'right' thing to do it seems to be neglecting the fact that every conflict is different. Whilst you may think about your own personal family history; another may think about the brutality inflicted in the city of Derry on Bloody Sunday or the obliteration of innocent civilians in Afghanistan and so this public expectance to take part in a two minute silence to mark something as provocative and emotive as war and those that serve in them seems strange and illogical.


On an internet forum I frequent, a poster mentioned that she was in Costa and just before 11 the doors were closed and the staff did everything within their power to maintain silence.  Presumably this involved pressing a scorching cup of mocha latte to the throat of a crying baby or flinging some fair-trade coffee beans into the eyes of a man who had just received a business call on his blackberry.  This is insane.  Since when did a commercial coffee house have the right to shut the doors and enforce silence on its paying customers?  This example would have been far more ironic if it were Starbucks who incidentally top the bill as one of the most unethical coffee houses but alas. 



The pressure continues on telly. Moving onto an organisation that is far more credible... Youtube! Check out this fodder on the right:    Look at Bob Hoskins, Paul O'Grady, The Saturdays et al looking grave and sombre. Gawp at the scars on the soldier's face. Oh look there's Example looking like he wants to nut me. I don't know about anyone else but I'd much rather watch a documentary or read a Terry Deary book then have to stare into the empty eyes of Franki from the Saturdays.



Yet it is sad and ironic that a tradition that is supposed to celebrate freedom can be twisted and manipulated in such a disturbing way to assert the opinions of the bigoted and ignorant.  The Sun; sensitive as ever, run a story on Muslim extremists breaking the two minute silence.  They felt the need to highlight that not only are they Muslim men but worse still, they have BEARDS..



Unfortunately this is not the only example, The English Defence League have chosen to hijack the poppy to use as one of their emblems.  It is disappointing how something so innocent can be unfairly adopted by an organisation that is so dependent on fear and hatred but then it seems far too easy to turn residual national pride into something quite sinister and destructive. 


And so to summarise, despite what the media and other goons try and tell you.  Those that didn’t take part in the two minute silence may not be enemies of the people, Muslim men with beards or about to defecate on a war memorial .Thanks. 

everything's going to the beat

Look how dynamic I am...almost like Madonna.  Now a post where I inflict music videos on you.  These are songs that I have been playing most of this week so far and also the one just passed.  Addictive. 

Passion Pit- Sleepyhead. I'm a complete sucker for the retro scratchy start to this song. Hooked me good n proper.

This track, I could listen to everyday.  It's just perfect.  Nitin Sawhney- Nadia

And finally, good bye summer :( A total, total classic... Now relax.

we mean business

well i'm glad that's over with.  according to pro-blogger jacob the idea of a blog is to sell yourself..  his advice is to 'offer a service' and then to 'find a niche'. seems relatively normal enough until you scroll down to the next blog below entitled 'fuck it all' so i'm yet to take his advice on board. yet we seem to forever being told to do just that  (sell yourself, not 'fuck it'. perverts).  in our cv's, at interviews, on social networking websites, at a romantic lunch for two at spud-u-like. where ever. 

the concept of selling yourself is seen most evidently in this year's young apprentice in which they recruit around ten teenagers already embittered by a decrease in pocket money and earnest to show the world that they too can stab people in the back to move up the ladder.  this is a show that uses the term 'USP' with no shame whatsoever. 

the second episode saw the girls' team set up an icecream stall at a theme park and resolutely scam people out of cash.  by using a technique usually favoured by a character from the league of gentleman the girls at the stall clutched the fondent treats waving them invitingly from their stall to an audience of slathering little nippers who then took the icecream of deceit (and sprinkles).  as soon as the ice cream was in the sticky grasp of innocence and youth their parents were summoned to pay the extortionate price for the cone of sin and extra for the condments which just happen to already be on top. 

surprisingly because of this tactic the team won the challenge and was awarded with either a dance lesson from Diversity or a meal consisting of everything chocolate.  It doesn't matter which; both activities are empty and fruitless.

here is one of those dull and highly predictable introductory posts that is meant to lure you in so that you read more.  instead of feeling like a dealer pushing crack cocaine (or carefully thought out sentences)  i propose you bypass this section because it will just be awkward for us both. 

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if you've stayed than you relish the awkwardness! i feel that we are going to be firm friends.

your reward is a diagram depicting the metamorphosis of a tadpole to a frog.