when i'm sad, i sit on the floor and hug my knees

Please answer my questionaire as genuinely as you can.  Some of the questions may bring on lethargy or even make you physically sick.  Please persist as best you can.  It's all in the name of research.

1) Your beloved goldfish named Eric has just passed on to the big aquarium up in the sky.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Head to Pets at Home and get a more original fish. 
b) Pick apart 3 Birds Eye fishfingers and a satsuma in an effort to replicate him.
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

2) A friend that you have been staying with tells you that they want you out because you are a dirty, dirty ho' who eats mayonaise for breakfast.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Tell her that the mayonaise was in fact salad cream and leave quietly.
b) Fake a recurrent Herpes outbreak and hope she takes pity on you. 
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

3) On his deathbed, your great uncle Nigel drops a bombshell by telling you that you are descended from apes.  What is your immediate reaction?

a) Nod and smile to appease him but be safe in the knowledge that your blood-line is pure Gryffindor. 
b) Laugh at all of Johnny Vegas' jokes, stamp on any Tetley teabag that you see  and unashamedly attend a Phil Collins concert.   Anything to make them accept you. 
c) Sit on the floor and hug my knees.

The answer was mostly C right? I knew it.  Because for every tear-jerking situation that is what we as humans are programmed to do.  You can't argue with Mother Nature. 

But those are the exact images we are bombarded with.  On my Social Work course we are being continually encouraged to 'enable' and 'empower' the service user, which is why the lecturer felt it completely appropriate to use this image slap bang in a presentation:

I've seen this boring stock image countless times.  Infact, with the power of hindsight and double-checking at my capacity, Google Image the word 'depressed'. Either they all like the smell of their own crotch or this is the exclusive and solitary pose in which people can understand a complex mental illness.  All of which scream 'victim'. 

If I'm having a tough time I don't immediately fall to the floor and regress into an upright foetal position.  No, I do what every mature girl of 24 would do.  I take out my tear- stained copy of Adele's '19' , I then shaking with the velocity of emotion insert the CD into my CD player, I then press play.  Then standing in front of a mirror (so I can see how anguished I look when mascara runs down my face) I warble like a biiiitch. 

we mean business

well i'm glad that's over with.  according to pro-blogger jacob the idea of a blog is to sell yourself..  his advice is to 'offer a service' and then to 'find a niche'. seems relatively normal enough until you scroll down to the next blog below entitled 'fuck it all' so i'm yet to take his advice on board. yet we seem to forever being told to do just that  (sell yourself, not 'fuck it'. perverts).  in our cv's, at interviews, on social networking websites, at a romantic lunch for two at spud-u-like. where ever. 

the concept of selling yourself is seen most evidently in this year's young apprentice in which they recruit around ten teenagers already embittered by a decrease in pocket money and earnest to show the world that they too can stab people in the back to move up the ladder.  this is a show that uses the term 'USP' with no shame whatsoever. 

the second episode saw the girls' team set up an icecream stall at a theme park and resolutely scam people out of cash.  by using a technique usually favoured by a character from the league of gentleman the girls at the stall clutched the fondent treats waving them invitingly from their stall to an audience of slathering little nippers who then took the icecream of deceit (and sprinkles).  as soon as the ice cream was in the sticky grasp of innocence and youth their parents were summoned to pay the extortionate price for the cone of sin and extra for the condments which just happen to already be on top. 

surprisingly because of this tactic the team won the challenge and was awarded with either a dance lesson from Diversity or a meal consisting of everything chocolate.  It doesn't matter which; both activities are empty and fruitless.