The unofficial prime minister, ambassador for all things British, advocate of the common working man, our dark over lord, has graced The One Show with his presence and was asked what he thought of the public sector workers going on strike. As Jeremy Clarkson resumed the accepted crossing of legs, wringing of hands position we have all come to love and respect, his jowls began to shake with fury. It was clear that today was the day. Jeremy was going to say what we had all been thinking all along. Matt Baker and Alex Jones and could only look on is awe and servitude as, slightly hunched over presumably due to the sheer tennacity of his British fury, Jeremy Clarkson hallowed by thy name, our unofficial PM began to deliver the following sermon:
"I'd have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families'.. (Jeremy shuffling about in justified indiginition) 'I mean, how dare they go on strike when they've got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guarenteed' (Jeremy raising his eyebrows in abject fury) 'Whilst the rest of us have to work for a living'. Jeremy, our unofficial PM, evidently exhausted after exhibiting such astuteness for a man of his age reached his own personal climax and to finish it off, rested his hands on his knees and stared indignantly into the blank, squirmy faces of the co-presenters.
Clearly gaging the reaction by the embarassed titters in the audience, Jeremy went onto proclaim his annoyance and fury at being delayed whilst on a train because someone who had made the dire decision to end their lives by throwing themselves in front of a train, has chosen to disrupt his busy schedule of Mexican bashing and pitiful attempts to affiliate himself with the 'common man'. Acutely aware and wise beyond words, Clarkson offered his own solution: the train should continue its journey leaving the mangled corpse of the desperate and suicidal person behind.
I for one was surprised that Jeremy Clarkson, our unofficial PM, would lower himself as to sit on public transport. Afterall public transport is for gays, pussies and plebs who are too afraid to sit behind the helm of a wheel, whilst revving furiously and giving a big fuck you to the environment, the lowly bicycle and the bunny from the Cadburys adverts.
Surely this makes a change from sitting in a BMW by himself.. naturally.. in some remote corner off of a junction.. in Sussex..probably...in those jeans.. suggestively stroking the gearstick and mumbling frankly incoherent statements like 'leftwing pansies...vroom ...vroom.. pc scum..neenorneenor' when out of no where, the head of Piers Morgan lands on his dashboard splattering him and his beloved shiny car in the maggots and remnants of misanthropy that crawl out of the dark, wet cavities of Piers' skull.
Just a thought.
Maybe, but he's right you know. If people want to take their jobs for granted in the current situation, they don't deserve them. There are countless people who would jump to take any job available to them, and it just takes the piss when people think this is the right time to go on strike.
ReplyDeleteAnd i also agree about those selfish fuckwit cum buckets who jump in front of trains and fuck up everyone's day. If the train went on regardless it just means we'd get to where we were supposed to be going - it's not like the dead person will be any worse off if the line doesn't grind to a halt for an hour.
(And don't take Jeremy's comments too seriously, his tongue is rarely out of his cheek)
It isn't about taking jobs for granted. speaking from a social work angle- although the strike is legally about pensions it's about cuts to services too. the new welfare reform bill is going to mess up a lot of vulnerable peoples lives especially those that rely on disability living allowance.
ReplyDeleteit being a 'tough economic climate' doesn't ultimately mean we have to be living in fear for our jobs and slurping at cameron's feet. a right to fairness and a right to campaign shouldn't be halted just because the banks have fucked this country up the arse.
and i'm surprised at you actually with the next comment. i'm going to assume you've gone all bill hicks with the 'selfish fuckwit cum buckets' line. i don't think you'd be saying the same thing if someone you loved had jumped onto the track.
i dont take clarkson as a human being seriously. i'm just sick of his ignorent comments which of course were only intended to shock/offend and show us what a clever, controversial boy he really is.
Since when has fairness ever come into play in reference to the government? People have way more rights in England than they do in America, especially on the benefit front. In my admittedly limited experience, it seems that far more Brits are content to sit on benefits for ages. In America, as far as I'm aware, people do fear for their jobs in this economic crisis because they don't want to be on welfare. It's just a completely different attitude.
ReplyDeleteAnd while Jeremy is brash, I applaud him for saying what most people probably think.
It is about taking them for granted though. Sure we shouldn't have to live in fear of them, but that's just what the situation is right now and it will take sacrifices to get is properly back on our feet. Fucking things up for other people isn't very pro active.
ReplyDeleteAs for the trains, I'm not talking about people killing themselves not being a sad thing, but it is selfish to do it in such a way that impacts many other lives. What if you were on a train to see a dying relative and that delay meant you didn't get there? Or if you had somewhere important to be? Or any number of things that meant you had to be somewhere. People travel invariably because they have somewhere to be, not just for a lark. So it is selfish and unnecessary to negatively impact on other people like that and there does not need yo be limitless sympathy just because it was a suicide.
You might not agree with the reasons behind it but everyone has the right to withold labour. Like I said before, it isn't just about cuts to pensions. There's a growing sense of fear amongst public sector workers. The cuts are going to affect the NHS as well as welfare which so many genuine people rely on. Despite what the papers may tell you. I believe it's always right to defend public services such as the NHS. These cuts are going to affect the standard of care given as well as pensions.
ReplyDeleteand in response to your view of suicide in front of a train being selfish. To me that seems a bizaare approach, when someone is desperate enough to commit suicide they are hardly going to be in thinking in a rational and logical way. i can't really picture them standing on the platform at euston underground station weighing up the pros and cons of what they are about to do and whether it will negatively impact on someone else's day. and i don't even think it's about sympathy, it's about humility which surely dictates that it's wrong to further obliterate the remains of a person that has just died and pretend that nothing has happened. what kind of a society would that make us?
ReplyDeleteYeah, maybe we shouldn't "have" to fear for our jobs, but that's the way it is now, we need to make sacrifices so we don't end up like Greece or Ireland and need a bailout. No matter how bad things are in this country, we're still privileged. And people in the public sector strike because they know it will fuck up a lot of people. Yes it is right to defend the NHS, but that as an organisation has a lot of dead wood, drains a lot of money and needs sorting out. People fear that means scrapping it or making it inefficient, but it could be much more efficient for less money that it currently takes.
ReplyDeleteOk there's fear amongst public sector workers, i don't care. Honestly, i don't. It's about time people were shaken up a bit to realise how obscenely lucky we are in the UK to live the way we do. And i'll say now, if i was worried about my job, the last thing i'd do is strike! Especially in this time, when literally hundreds of people interview for the same job position. And my opinion is based on being in a family that was severely affected by unemployment from the recession.
And the trains, suicide isn't a spur of the moment thing. People aren't on Euston station going about their day then thinking "hmm, jumping in front of that train seems like a bloody good idea". Why is everything everyone else's responsibility? If someone wants to jump in front of a train and obliterate their body why on earth should everyone else worry that if the train continues it will ruin the body a bit more? What an odd place to have your sympathy. Personally i feel more sorry for the poor train driver who has to the live the rest of his life with the image of a person exploding on the window, and the countless people affected in possibly very important ways. It's really nothing to do with my attitudes on suicide, just that if they want to kill themselves there's no shortage of ways of doing it without fucking up other people's day.
A very important topic we thank you
ReplyDeleteشركة غسيل وتلميع سيارات متنقلة بالرياض
شركة تنظيف سيارات بالبخار أمام المنازل بالرياض
شركة التلميع الساطع للسيارات بالرياض
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