Hello Impregnated Friend.

'belly's gonna get yer..'

This is a parenting piece I wrote for the thrifty, money saving blog My Fabulous Broke Life.  Since my last entry here was way back in October; I thought this would be a neat bridging thing for further rambles.

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Thankfully this is not one of those cringey, twee ‘Welcome to Motherhood’ guides that are cluttered with aspirational images of the must-have baby product of the month.  Nor is it one of those ultra organised bullet-pointed shopping lists that conveniently coaxes you to purchase all the ‘essentials’ at some supermarket’s Baby Event Extravaganza.  This little piece is based entirely on what I would tell my best friend if she were to fall into a drain, with a man at the bottom; who just happened to have an erect penis and wind up pregnant.  

However whilst hind-sight is a wonderful and beautiful thing; sometimes you just have to mess up/waste money/ melt a dummy in the microwave in an attempt to sterilise it more efficiently (ho hum) before you find out what works best for you. If I were to meet my pregnant self again; (RUN FOR THE HILLS) then this is my narrowed down short list of what I’d like to tell her:

1)

Use what yo mama gave you.  Seriously. Breast feed.  I could just regurgitate the ole’ saying ‘breast is best’ but frankly that means zilch.  The number one reason I love feeding from the boob is that it makes me feel like a G when I can whip it out and satisfy my crying hell baby in three seconds flat.  Plus a little part of me wants to be one of those Save the World hippies and stick two fingers and two erect nipples up at the formula companies who con some women out of what nature gave them.  I feel a longer blog about booby feeding coming on later but let’s keep it succinct for now.. it’s free and there are a lot of pro boob feeding groups out there who want to help get new mums started on what could turn out to be the biggest time and money saver ever. 

2)

Use and abuse your local Children’s Centres.  They’re FREE.  Initially you may feel wary about going but after a few baby massage groups you’ll be comparing bags under the eyes with all the other mummies in no time.  Also some have sensory rooms which are a little like being on some sort of  acid trip what with the lights, different textures and glowy bits.  Seriously, it’s important to get out and meet others in the same confusing, new mother haze that magically seems to clear after a few long months.  Be kind to yourself and get out the house. You may feel like mourning your previous, care-free life but you belong to a new club now.  The Parent Club.  And by golly you’ve earnt your membership.. 

3)
 
It can be really easy to get carried away and do a ‘Super Market Sweep’ in shops like Mamas and Papas. And in no way would I want to begrudge you that captivating sailor suit with a seagull motif because c’mon, we have to get our kicks somehow.  But if you are a few Sainsbury’s Basics baked beans away from the poor house like yours truly than I can highly recommend popping into your local charity shops.  The leg work of sourcing cutesy clothes and paying extortionate prices has already been done (heh..suckers) and I’ve found some pretty cutesy garments as well as toys for under a pound.  Ker-ching.  Plus after your sproglett has outgrown it and if the item is still in a passable condition  (not partly digested) then you simply return it to the charity shop and spread the love and make the world go round.

4)

Again this one is tempting for the new parent, but shelling out on professional photos of your little one spread eagle on a giant Furby is not always necessary.  Believe me there will be many photos taken by yourself and your nearest and dearest that your little one will probably have to take out an injunction against you and anyway,  the candid moments captured always seem to be the most memorable.  One of the upsides of having a baby is that you will no longer be stuck with what to get the doting grandparents for Christmas every year because your baby’s mug can be fashioned onto all kinds of things thanks to websites that rhyme with spoondig.bomb.  Although there will inevitably come a time when all this ‘personalising’ will have to stop because it may be a tad inappropriate to bribe my future 18 year old son to wear a delightful teddy bear onesie for a photo but I like a challenge.  Oh dear.

5)
 
I saw this fantastic meme (pronounced me-me or meem??) on Facebook which suggested reading the baby and parenting books and then binning them and following your instinct. Yippy ki yay! Although understandably, sometimes having something in print can give you the confidence to do what you would have done instinctively so a foray into a few books wouldn't hurt but my thoughts are that unless you are trying to deliberately mess up your kid then… you probably won’t.  Listen to advice and ignore it if it makes you feel uncomfortable but delve into a few books just for the craic to see what other options there are for fun, timeless classics like sleep training, weaning yada yada and then do it your way.   Because whether you decide to breast feed or formula feed, splash out on a gorgeous moses basket or have your baby sleeping with you in your own bed- you are more than likely already doing or are going to do a great job. High five.